Unlike vertical seersucker puckers, which whisk radiant heat from asphalt to crotch to form an uncomfortable and possibly incendiary column of superheated air, Lindland's horizontal ThermoSucka technolgy creates a 462-pucker barrier from heel to crotch (504 for longs!), safely insulating natures' most precious equipment from the ravages of summer swelter.

It's true, owners of our khaki and green trousers enjoy extreme aerodynamic advantages over common, vertically-oriented seersucker trouser wearers. 

While the pants perform marvelously, cutting the wind like samurai swords through sweltering tofu, the aerodynamic seersucker has the unintended consequence of speeding up their entire lives. Southern gentlemen spin yarns too quickly. Kentuckians shoot, not sip their mint Juleps. Grooms speed-read their vows. And a Nantucket yachtsman clocked a 9.8 second 100 when stumbling home from Stiffy McCorkle's Tavern.

While many will enjoy such blinding speed, others prefer a slower pace.

So we went back to the drawing board, and rather than commit the sin of making our seersucker vertical, our engineers came up with a clever solution: More Pucker for your Sucker.

To counteract the phenomenon known as The Quickening, our engineers created checkered seersucker, boosting our pants pucker by a full 1 mm to affect a parachute-like slowdown. While trapping heat on the way up, they billow slightly more to catch the wind as it races around the seersucker grooves.

Fashionable? Yes. Functional? But of course. Dangerously high speed? Only if you dare

They come from Cordarounds.com, and each textured product we design is produced in small batches of a couple hundred items, then we move on to new ideas.   We make pants, jackets, sweaters, shorts, and more.

We're a 2 man design shop that manufactures in San Francisco and only sells online.   We ship every other day via UPS and via the US Postal Service to foreign destinations and military bases.

Our models are friends, neighbors, and customers.

Thanks for visiting Cordarounds.com.  If you're not ready to buy something yet, take a tour around our blog or extensive photo galleries for a laugh.

And what makes these pants so valuable?

* The cotton of these fine seersucker trousers was grown and loomed exclusively on the International Space Station, then hand sewn by professional hand models, also in orbit, using fibers from the Shroud or Turin and Barry Bonds' 700th homerun baseball.

* King Tut's sarcophagus was melted down and molecularly compacted to form the 24 millimeter button of your trousers.

* Inspector #6 inspected the pants 6,000 times before proclaiming them flawless, then dying in ecstacy.

* Your trousers were washed in a bath of babies“ tears, warmed by a still-smoldering meteorite.

* They carry the scent of the small of Sophia Loren's back.

* They were serenaded by the ghost of Liberace.

* Finally, and we“re not sure how, at least eight Faberge eggs and a squadron of stealth fighters were destroyed in the production of your pants.

We know you would expect nothing less.

With this great gift of clothing, you are nearly 1/16th of the way to overtaking your rival in riches.  Merely a sub-billion-dollar pittance, for sure, but we at Lindland Clothing believe all great campaigns start with a small step in the right direction.

With love,

Your Faithful Servants at Cordarounds

At long last, we have a drug subculture to call our own. We'd been holding out for Shoe Goo sniffing, but according to a recent artile in Details Magazine, our pants are the hottest look in opium dens from Rangoon to Richmond, VA.   Read for yourself in expose.  Yes!

So today, we proudly announce a strategic partnership with opium lord Baron Chou to explore synergies in the pant and poppy trades.  Together we can stimulate the Afghan economy and deliver best-of-breed seersucker solutions wherever his ilicits are solicited.

SAN FRANCISCO, April 05 — Tony Bennett may have left his heart in San Francisco, but a tourist recently discovered that you can leave your arm there as well. That is, when local fashionistas convince you to stick your arm into a dark and foreboding grotto – a grotto that happens to be occupied by a large and remorseless sea lion, whose insatiable appetite for human flesh is exceeded only by his remarkable capacity to accurately predict the onset of the summer fashion season!

Perpetually shrouded in a thick fog, San Franciscans have for years employed a most unusual method for figuring out if warm, summer weather is in the cards, a time-tested ritual that has drawn comparisons to Punxsutawney Phil, the famous weather-predicting groundhog. Each April, Bay Area designers dupe an unsuspecting visitor to reach into the bone-strewn lair of Frisco Frank, an impossibly ferocious sea lion, and attempt to feed him a crab. If the sea lion takes the crustacean, then chances are the summer swelter will be late. If, however, Frank rips the person’s arm off with his powerful jaws, then – rejoice! – white-pants weather is just around the corner. Indeed, the sight of a horrified tourist stumbling along Fisherman’s Wharf as his or her bloody stump flails in the cool morning breeze means it’s time to start buying the latest summer fashion – like Summerounds horizontal seersucker pants and shorts.

“Clearly, the long, hot summer is upon us,” said Cordarounds founder Chris Lindland, coolly observing Frisco Frank devour tourist Todd Murphy’s left arm. “Time for cold, refreshing beverages and cool, seersucker pants and shorts like these."

This year’s Summerounds come in new colors, with new linen liners and more pucker. They’re stylish and also surprisingly high-tech – reportedly at least 90 degrees cooler than traditional seersucker pants.

Historical note: Few doubt Frisco Frank’s powers of prognostication or sense of style. Legend has it that Levi Strauss, another notable San Francisco pant maker, would con hapless gold prospectors into feeding the sea lion with arms swathed in different fabrics. Frank’s extraordinary appetite for denim inspired Straus to design jeans, particularly in the color blue.

On seersucker and riverboat gambling. 

The last time riverboat gambler Beauregard P. Delacroix faced the mechanical man in a game of cards, he had lost his money, his home, and his prized Appaloosas. Worse, he had lost his cool – falling for the gambling gadget’s bluff when he could least afford to. He blamed his pants.

And then he heard the laughter. Above him, the dastardly iron contraption and its flesh-and-blood masters from the University of Mississippi Engineering Department were taunting him from the poop deck. Delacroix spat in disgust. He vowed they would meet again.

With time, Delacroix rebuilt his fortune to even greater heights than before. By 1879 he had more horses and hogs than any man in the state. He owned turpentine warehouses, a gin distillery and even the Vicksburg Snuffatorium, which he had won in a game of whist. But all of it was meaningless without a rematch against his nemesis.

His chance came one sweltering August, when the heat was so fierce that livestock stood rendering in the fields, beards spontaneously caught on fire, and the streets ran thick with lava-hot molasses. In this hellbroth, Delacroix faced off again against the mechanical monstrosity at the Magnoliaville Annual Poker Tournament, putting on the line everything that he had worked hard to reacquire.

The contest lasted into the wee hours of the morning, until only Delacroix and his metallic opponent remained. They had bet nearly everything they had, then the metal man placed on the table the deed to Farthington Manor. The sweating crowd gasped, and the contraption let loose with a triumphant puff of steam from its exhaust portal.

“If the action is too hot for you,” the machine chirped and whined, “best you stay out of the kitchen!”

Had Delacroix been wearing ordinary pants, the action would have indeed been too hot, but not this time. Not when he was wearing a new pair of light and airy horizontal seersucker Summerounds, which kept him cool despite the furnace-like heat of the moment.

“I see your bet, you despicable mechanical cur!” he ejaculated, laying down the deed to the Snuffatorium. The machine was nervous now, and almost hesitantly it laid down its cards, revealing a full house. “Oh my stars, how I shall enjoy summering in fair Farthington Manor,” Delacroix said coyly, showing his royal flush.

Add another name to the roster of legendary Cordarounds test pilots: Stephane Cros, the world's first seer-sonic shredder.  May he rest in peace.

Each and every man who straps on a pair of our aerodynamic seersucker trousers soars, falcon-like, into a world of blinding velocity; this is a fact. Yet, there are those who push the envelope further still, names like Wellington Stack, Bosco Breedlove and Trippy Frost -- men and indefatigable toddlers who gave their lives in the name of pant science.

So, we should not have been surprised when inventor, Stephane Cros, requested a pair of size-40 seersucker shorts for what he described as high-speed, aqua-aerobatic research. You won't believe what you see in this incredible video.

Honor the Flying Cros by forwarding his final moments on to a friend, or, better yet, by purchasing a pair of seersucker shorts or trousers of your own -- ideally, a pair that needn't accommodate a wetsuit and kite-surf harness. Click the shorts below to visit our catalog.

Kind Sirs:

As you and undoubtedly most San Franciscans well know, Civil War reenacting is never a particularly comfortable endeavor. Especially during the long, Alabama summer, when we must take to the roasting battlefield in our heavy burlap jackets and scratchy woolen trousers, when the heat of combat is exceeded only by the steamy, tortuous environs between pant and leg. Why, after the Battle of Hooper’s Mill, my unmentionables were no less miserable than the Okeefenokee Swamp, and even with generous applications of salves and medicinal powders, my chafed thighs remain quite tender to the touch!

So you can imagine my surprise and envy when, during the annual reenactment of The Massacre at Blood Mountain last month, I spied through my field glasses several Union reenactors charging toward our redoubt … wearing luxurious, seersucker pants! Gorgeous, Union-blue pants, loose-fitting and ingeniously horizontal in nature. Feeling as cool and fresh as a spring morning in the Shenandoah, those Yankees broke through our lines and annihilated the regiment with even more speed and vigor than was historically called for. As I pretended that the thrust of a Union bayonet had pierced my spleen, I crumpled to the ground, moaning: “If only my men had such fine and stylish pants!”

Weeks later, while leafing through the latest issue of Confederate Quartermaster Monthly, I saw an advertisement for these wonderful pants, these so-called “Summerounds,” available for a limited time only in …GREY! I can not adequately convey to you in this modest missive the tears and Rebel Yells and other assorted enthusiasms with which my men received the news. Needless to say, each and every one of us has ordered copious amounts of your grey Summerounds; with the Reenactors’ Ball fast approaching, one cannot have too much fine toggery.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Before our grey Summerounds can delight the belles, they will delight in the thrill of battle! After victory at Culver’s Crossroads, we will once again be roundly defeated at the Skirmish of Crabapple Corners. On that day, the creek will run red with blood, after the dye is poured in. We will imagine that Union rifles are shooting real bullets, that swords have razor-sharp edges, that there are actual horses to trample our mangled, perforated corpses into the mud. As always, we will gallantly pretend-fight to the last man. But as that last man falls to the ground, he shall do so, this year, in comfort and style.

Huzzah, Summerounds, huzzah!

Most Sincerely Yours,

O. Rutherford Pickling III
Captain, 134th Alabama Volunteer Infantry
Adjunct Professor of American History,
Cyprus City Community College